Tag Archive for: coaching
So let’s get down to it and talk about the seven mistakes that you can make.
The Seventh Biggest Mistake – Is having a “Lone Ranger” mentality.
If you think that the best way, or the only way for you to achieve your goals is to do it by yourself then you have Lone Ranger Mentality. Do you believe that reaching out to someone, and a professional someone for that matter, somehow indicates that you aren’t “something” enough? That it somehow means you’re incapable and not smart enough, strong enough or good enough?
Well let me assure you, the people who come to coaching are all of those things, extremely capable, smart, strong and a whole lot more. They choose coaching because they are ready to accelerate their personal or professional lives and work with a professional who will enable them to achieve their goals faster, easier and with better results than they could on their own.
A coach will facilitate your self discovery, the identification of your goals and the prioritization of those goals. Your coach will help you create your action plan as well as prepare for and overcome any challenges you encounter along the way.
Your coach will hold you accountable for taking consistent action toward the realization of your goals. Accountability is one of the greatest payoffs of coaching. It is so powerful because it can make all the difference in terms of you being a Goal Achiever instead of just a Goal Setter and someone who walks the walk instead of just talking the talk.
Think of your coach as your success partner, whose reason for being is to help you get what you want quicker, easier and with better results than you could on your own.
The Sixth Biggest Mistake – Settling for good instead of going for great.
If you’re thinking your life is good and you’re relatively satisfied, congratulations! That did not happen on its own. You have obviously done some fabulous work.
You’ve already proven you’re the kind of person who proactively goes after what you want and you get it. So why would you settle for anything less than great? Why would you settle for living in black and white when you could be living in technicolour? Do you really want to play it safe and stay comfortable? Playing it safe and staying comfortable can take you no further than good.
Most of my clients are people who are already very successful. Now that they’ve personally experienced the power of coaching they tell me that they realize just how much less they were settling for, for themselves and their lives. They were settling for good when they could have been experiencing great.
My clients also tell me that coaching has dramatically increased the quality of their lives in all areas, from increased sales to enhanced relationships and from better health to increased productivity. They feel, many for the very first time, that they are fully and vibrantly alive.
So I challenge those of you who are settling. I challenge you to stop settling for good. I challenge you to go for GREAT and beyond with coaching.
The Fifth Biggest Mistake – Believing that you have to work harder in order to achieve your goals.
Do you have dreams or desires that you’ve left unfulfilled because you can’t imagine bringing them to life without adding a lot more to your already jam packed schedule? It may surprise you to know that coaching can enable you to be more, do more and have more by working smarter instead of harder.
Your coach will lead you through an efficient process. You’ll begin by getting crystal clear about what you do and do not want in your life. What’s great about that is that when you figure out the things in your life that you’re tolerating or doing just because you feel like you should you can create a lot of extra space in your schedule to tackle the things that are truly meaningful to you.
Next, you will develop an action plan that details what it’s going to take, the what by when, for you to reach your goals. Finally, you will stay focused and on track by being accountable to your coach for taking consistent action and you will learn how to overcome any challenges that come up along the way.
If you want to learn how to work smarter instead of harder, coaching is a wise investment of your time and money.
The Fourth Biggest Mistake – Blaming external factors for what’s not working in your life and waiting for them to change so you can have the life you dream of.
Do you find yourself wishing other people were different; easier to get along with, more positive, more successful, trustworthy or kind? Or, do you find yourself thinking about how your life would be better if your circumstances were different if only you had a better job, more money, more time or more opportunity?
Are you telling yourself that these external factors are responsible for what’s not working in your life or for preventing you from having what you want?
It can be very tempting to get caught up in this paradigm. But the reality is that if you are looking for or waiting for something outside of yourself to change and give you what you want, you will be waiting, and frustrated, for a very long time.
The reason for this is that you do not have control over anything outside of you. What you do have, though, is total control over yourself. You have total control over your thoughts, your actions and your results.
It is a fact that your circumstances will change when you make a committed decision to do the things that will move you in the direction of what you want to experience in your life, and then do them. Hiring a coach is one of the smartest things you can do to ensure you take control and create the reality you want to experience. I personally invest in coaching and mentoring consistently.
The Third Biggest Mistake – Wasting your time and money on stuff that doesn’t get you the results you want and is not ultimately fulfilling.
Let’s face it; there are an infinite number of things that you can spend your hard earned money and valuable time on these days. When you know you want things to be different or better it’s easy for you to waste your time and your money in one of two ways.
The first one is spending your time and money collecting information that comes in the form of books, software, seminars, conferences, reports. You are collecting information that you believe can help you get what you want.
Now don’t get the wrong idea here, information is a great thing. I am a big believer in information being a critical tool in helping you get where you want to go, but I want to make something very clear here.
Information alone will not get you results. You cannot expect that your sales will automatically increase just because you read the Guru of Sales’ latest book and you can’t assume that your monthly expenses will automatically organize themselves just because you purchased the newest expenses tracking software. You will get fulfilling results only by taking consistent action toward achieving your goals based on what you’ve learned from the information you’ve collected.
The second way you may be wasting your time and money is by acquiring and participating in things that have nothing to do with, and even go against, you having what you really want.
Have you ever allowed a month to go by where you indulged every food craving you had and did not exercise regularly, even though your deepest desire is to achieve and maintain a healthy body weight and lifestyle? Have you ever gone out and bought an expensive gadget you don’t really need or can’t really afford when what you truly desire is to feel successful and experience financial freedom?
If this sounds like you then you know what it’s like to be running on the hamster wheel of short term gain, in the form of immediate gratification, leading you to long term pain because your life experiences don’t match up with what you really want?
It’s very important to realize that spending your time or money on things that give you immediate gratification but have nothing to do with your goals and values will always leave you feeling empty. Completely and totally empty and looking for the next quick fix.
Instead of wasting your time and money, why not invest in yourself in a way that will accelerate your personal and professional development? Working with a coach on an ongoing basis is the most time and cost effective investment you can make in yourself and your quality of life.
Your coach can teach you how to make the most of what you’ve got and how to do more with less. Your coach will hold you accountable for taking consistent purposeful action towards achieving your goals.
By working with a coach, you will get crystal clear on what you really want, why you want it and how to get it. Having clarity takes the guess work out of things. That way, you will be able to evaluate all future investment opportunities, and by that we mean any and all opportunities for you to spend your time or money, according to their ability to enable you to fulfill your purpose, your vision, your values and your goals.
The Second Biggest Mistake – Waiting for a “good” time to make a change or go after the things you really want in life.
Guess what, there is no good time. Life will always be busy. There will always be family and business obligations to attend to, errands to run, chores to do, TV programs to watch and people and projects that want your time, energy and money. Your life will always be busy and it will always get in the way of what you really want, if you let it.
Wondering what you can do about it? You can stop kidding yourself. Today. Stop kidding yourself that the perfect time is just around the corner or sometime off in the future. Instead, decide to join forces with a professional who can teach you how to make the most of every moment starting right now.
Your coach will hold you accountable while keeping you focused and on track to achieving your goals no matter what life throws at you.
The Biggest Mistake – Telling yourself you can’t afford a coach.
The truth is that you can’t afford not to have one. Coaches are highly in demand these days because coaching has proven itself to be an extremely effective method for facilitating personal and professional development and fulfillment.
The word is out everywhere, it’s in the media, it’s in corporations and it’s in the community. The word is out that coaching makes sense and it really works. In studies that have been done on the impact of coaching, the results have consistently shown a return on investment of more than 100%.
Coaching clients from all walks and areas of life consistently report that it is the best money they ever spent because their investment in an ongoing coaching partnership enables them to achieve their goals. What’s even better is coaching enables them to achieve their goals quicker, easier and with better results. Now think about that for a moment. Think about what that means for you. Anything you want is available to you quicker, easier and with better results through the vehicle of coaching.
If you are still unsure consider this, it’s not enough for you to say you want things to be different. Just wanting something doesn’t make it so. You must make a decision and then take purposeful action toward what you want. When you put your money where your mouth is and invest in a coaching programme you demonstrate your commitment to achieving the thing that you want and at the same time you cut yourself off from any possibility other than total success.
Emotional dependency means getting one’s good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within. Who or what do you believe is responsible for your emotional wellbeing?
There are numerous forms of emotional dependency:
* Dependence on substances, such as food, drugs, or alcohol, to fill emptiness and take away pain.
* Dependency on processes such as spending, gambling, or TV, also to fill emptiness and take away pain.
* Dependence on money to define one’s worth and adequacy.
* Dependence on getting someone’s love, approval, or attention to feel worthy, adequate, lovable, and safe.
* Dependence on sex to fill emptiness and feel adequate.
When you do not take responsibility for defining your own adequacy and worth or for creating your own inner sense of safety, you will seek to feel adequate, worthy and safe externally. Whatever you do not give to yourself, you may seek from others or from substances or processes. Emotional dependency is the opposite of taking personal responsibility for one’s emotional wellbeing. Yet many people have no idea that this is their responsibility, nor do they have any idea how to take this responsibility.
What does it mean to take emotional responsibility rather than be emotionally dependent?
Primarily, it means recognizing that our feelings come from our own thoughts, beliefs and behavior, rather than from others or from circumstances. Once you understand and accept that you create your own feelings, rather than your feelings coming from outside yourself, then you can begin to take emotional responsibility.
For example, let’s say someone you care about gets angry at you.
If you are emotionally dependent, you may feel rejected and believe that your feelings of rejection are coming from the other’s anger. You might also feel hurt, scared, anxious, inadequate, shamed, angry, blaming, or many other difficult feeling in response to the other’s anger. You might try many ways of getting the other person to not be angry in an effort to feel better.
However, if you are emotionally responsible, you will feel and respond entirely differently. The first thing you might do is to tell yourself that another person’s anger has nothing to do with you. Perhaps that person is having a bad day and is taking it out on you. Perhaps that person is feeling hurt or inadequate and is trying to be one-up by putting you one-down. Whatever the reason for the other’s anger, it is about them rather than about you. An emotionally responsible person does not take others’ behavior personally, knowing that we have no control over others’ feelings and behavior, and that we do not cause others to feel and behave the way they do – that others are responsible for their feelings and behavior just as we are for ours.
The next thing an emotionally responsible person might do is move into compassion for the angry person, and open to learning about what is going on with the other person. For example, you might say, “I don’t like your anger, but I am willing to understand what is upsetting you. Would you like to talk about it?” If the person refuses to stop being angry, or if you know ahead of time that this person is not going to open up, then as an emotionally responsible person, you would take loving action in your own behalf. For example, you might say, “I’m unwilling to be at the other end of your anger. When you are ready to be open with me, let me know. Meanwhile, I’m going to take a walk (or hang up the phone, or leave the restaurant, or go into the other room, and so on). An emotionally responsible person gets out of range of attack rather than trying to change the other person.
Once out of range, the emotionally responsible person goes inside and explores any painful feelings that might have resulted from the attack. For example, perhaps you are feeling lonely as a result of being attacked. An emotionally responsible person embraces the feelings of loneliness with understanding and compassion, holding them just as you would hold a sad child. When you acknowledge and embrace the feelings of loneliness, you allow them to move through you quickly, so you can move back into peace.
Rather than being a victim of the other’s behavior, you have taken emotional responsibility for yourself. Instead of staying stuck in feeling angry, hurt, blaming, afraid, anxious or inadequate, you have moved yourself back into feeling safe and peaceful.
When you realize that your feelings are your responsibility, you can move out of emotional dependency. This will make a huge difference within you and with all of your relationships. Relationships thrive when each person moves out of emotional dependency and into emotional responsibility.
Love your life, body & soul,
Louisa x